Broken
by MelanieJan
Summary: Tragedy strikes and Taylor Townsend finds herself unable to deal with it. Will those closest to her be able to help or is it a lost cause? Townwood and Sethummer.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the O.C. or its characters. They belong to Josh Schwartz and Fox. If I did own the show, oh the things I would have done differently. Anyway, this fic is purely for my entertainment, and hopefully yours.  
**Summary:** Tragedy strikes and Taylor Townsend finds herself unable to deal with it. Will those closest to her be able to help or is it a lost cause? Townwood and Sethummer.  
**AN:** I hope you guys like this. I don't really know where I'm going with it, the idea hit me during my Psych class and wouldn't leave me alone until I started it. If you see mistakes point them out, because I know I probably missed a bunch.

* * *

Taylor stared straight ahead, her face void of emotion. She'd never expected this to happen. Never thought she'd see the day. It was just too much. From the phone call to sitting here, Taylor Townsend was nearing a catastrophe five breakdown. For once in her life she wasn't an open book, full of life and love for others. Instead she was closed off, fighting with herself.

She felt Ryan's hand take hold of her own from where he sat beside her. Normally, this simple gesture would make her heart flutter and bring a smile to her face. But that wasn't the case today. Instead she remained still, staring forward at the picture of her mother.

She was gone. Veronica Townsend was gone. Taylor could remember the phone call. Remember the tears she'd cried onto Ryan's shoulder that night. And then she remembered...nothing. All that was left was a gigantic hole where memories should be. Memories of the good times her and her mother had shared. The memories she'd had like that had already been used up the night she'd cried.

Taylor had gone from a crazy, energetic, insightful woman to an empty shell in a matter of hours.

* * *

Seth sat behind Ryan and Taylor with Summer. Why was it that the people you thought were going to be around forever just to torture you, were the first to go? And, it always seemed to be sudden deaths that took them. Maybe that was why it had such an impact on the family and friends. Maybe that's why his mother had fallen further down a darkened path. Maybe that was why Taylor had closed herself off from everyone. Maybe it was her way of dealing with it all.

According to Ryan she'd been in the same state the past four days, and had barley eaten or moved from bed. Seth could tell his brother was scared for his girlfriend. Just like he could tell his brother was verging on his Kid Chino persona. Seth knew Taylor would make it through this un-scaved. She always seemed to, and she had great friends. Sure, they'd all hated her in high school, but she'd wormed her way into all their hearts- though Seth liked to pretend she didn't. That was why Taylor was going to get through this. She had people who cared about her and wouldn't let her slip further into this depression she seemed to be in.

* * *

Sandy glanced around the room. The service had been...insightful. The people who had gotten up to speak were few but had many things to say about Veronica, all of which were shockingly good. He was surprised though, that Taylor hadn't gone up to speak. Okay, maybe he wasn't that surprised. Ryan had told him over the phone Taylor hadn't been taking it well at all.

Now that Sandy thought about it, he hadn't heard Taylor utter a word all day which, for Taylor, was drastically out of character for. After the earthquake she was all chatter. After falling off the roof, waiting for Ryan to regain consciousness she'd talked. Every situation he'd seen Taylor in, she'd talked her way through.

His eyes drifted across the room to where Taylor stood, a drink in hand, merely nodding at the condolences sent her way. For a moment, while he watched, he flashed back to when Caleb had passed. He flashed back to Kirsten's behaviour- namely her downward spiral.

* * *

Ryan was worried. No, he was beyond worried. Seeing Taylor like this, terrified him. He found himself remembering his mother, Marissa, and even Kirsten. Taylor's broken, fragile state terrified him. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't lose her. She was his rock. She was the light at the end of the tunnel. Taylor had become his world. He'd never forget when he'd walked into the apartment they shared and found her on the kitchen floor in a heap, her shoulder's heaving, and skin pale. Ryan didn't know how long she'd been that way, but it'd lasted for hours after he'd found her. He'd pulled her into his arms as she sobbed. It had taken awhile to figure out what had happened. Veronica Townsend had died and seemed to take with her the last bit of strength her daughter had.

Taylor had cried herself to sleep in his arms that night. When the morning rays had come through the window Taylor was different. No tears. No smile. No light in her eyes. His Taylor was gone, and he felt like there was nothing he could do. One thing he knew though was that he couldn't give up on her. She helped him with Marissa and so many other things. He could help her through this. He had to.

* * *

Summer stood with Seth, talking quietly, her gaze moving towards her best friend. She, like everyone else, was worried about Taylor. She seemed so lost and broken. Sure she'd just lost her mother, but the two never really had the greatest of connections, which was why Summer didn't expect to see Taylor like this. Out of all of them Taylor always seemed to be the strongest (not physically, of course, that was Ryan). She was always the level-headed one in situations. She was always ready for everything, and anything. Taylor may lose her smile, but the light in her eye and constant chatter never left.

But this Taylor that stood before her went against everything she thought possible. This Taylor was a complete one-eighty from the Taylor she'd become good friends with. Summer was afraid this would catapult Taylor down the same path Marissa had gone. She couldn't let it happen. She couldn't lose another friend. They'd all have to work together to bring the Taylor they all knew and loved back.

* * *

Kirsten moved through the slowly dwindling crowed towards Taylor and Ryan. Her son hadn't left his girlfriend's side all day, at least that's the way it seemed to Kirsten. Maybe it was because of the hold Taylor had on him. She looked like if he left her side she'd be completely gone. And Kirsten, like everyone else who knew the girl, was worried. Veronica's sudden death seemed to be taking its toll on Taylor, and Kirsten understood that feeling. When her father died, she only blamed herself and let herself further indulge in her drinking problem. She didn't want Taylor to go down the same path.

And she wasn't going to let Ryan have to try to 'save' Taylor from that path alone. Kirsten was going to do her best to help, just like she knew the rest of the family was going to. She just didn't know if it was going to be a long or short process. Kirsten hoped it would be short, seeing Taylor veering away from her usual crazy antics was heart breaking.

When Kirsten finally got to Ryan and Taylor she quietly said, "Taylor." Taylor looked up at her with empty, lifeless eyes. She didn't wait for a response, mainly because she knew she wouldn't be getting one. Instead of saying anything else she pulled the girl into a hug and looked at her son. Ryan looked back at her, his worry and fear clear in his eyes, as Taylor broke down in Kirsten's arms. Kirsten rubbed the girls back; something told her that piecing Taylor back together was going to be a long process.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Just want to quickly thank you all for the reviews. It means a lot to me. I'm really thinking my psych class is a productive class, 'because once again it fuelled my writing. Hope you all enjoy. I know the flashbacks (which are in italics) kind of bounce around on the timeline. I think it's still easy to follow and figure out which goes where, but if it doesn't make sense, let me know and I'll do my best to clear things up. Anyway, on with the story...

* * *

Taylor pulled away from Kirsten's comforting hug suddenly. Her mother had never given her a comforting hug (maybe when she was younger than five) and wouldn't get the chance now. Why did she have to be stripped of the chance of motherly love from her own mother? It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

"I need air." She whispered taking a few steps away from Kirsten and wiping at the few tears that had made their way out of her eyes. Almost immediately she felt Ryan's hand on her arm. "Alone." She added as she pulled away from Ryan, avoiding eye contact as she did so. "I... I just need to be alone."

Taylor wrapped her arms around herself as she moved towards the back door of her mother's house. No, it wasn't her mother's house. Not anymore. It'd be sold soon and it'd become a stranger's home. Not that that would be any different. Her own mother had pretty much been a stranger to her for most of her life. Half of the people in the house, who'd given her their condolences, knew her mother better than she did. Her mother hadn't truly known her, and she'd hardly known her mother. That had been proven to her today, and that hurt her.

Taylor sat down on one of the many wicker chairs lining the poolside outside. What was wrong with her? She was pushing everyone away. Everyone that _loved_ her for being her. Why was she letting herself hurt for someone who could barely say three nice things to her in one conversation? Her mother had given birth to her and raised her, but she'd barely been part of her life. Veronica Townsend had dictated Taylor's life, veered it in different directions, but she hadn't really taken a major part in it. Taylor had thought she'd made progress with her. She thought she'd finally broken through her mother's thick exterior and found love and compassion. But she'd been wrong. That love and compassion had only lasted a couple seconds, but it didn't mean Taylor cherished it any less._

* * *

"I'm proud of you, Taylor. I am." Taylor froze at the words that floated through the phone. Her mother was proud of her? "But..." Great, there was a but. Of course there was a but. She was talking to her mother after all. _

_"But what mom?"_

_"It's one book Taylor. A book of poetry non-the-less." Her mother replied, clearly un-amused. "Now, if this was your second book of poetry, or a novel maybe, it'd be something worth celebrating. Not many people read poetry now-a-days. People like things that are based on a true story."_

_What was her mother talking about? Of course people still read poetry. If they didn't her book would have never gotten published. "Whatever the case, I'd love it if you could be there mom."_

_"You want me to fly to Berkeley for a party?"_

_Taylor sighed. She could tell by the sound in her mother's voice that she was less than pleased with the idea. "Never mind mom. Don't worry about it. I'll talk to you later." She hung up the phone, feeling a little more lost. A little more hurt. _

_Her mother said she was proud. But apparently she wasn't proud enough to say congratulations, or make an attempt to celebrate Taylor's latest accomplishment. Why was it that everyone who'd come into her life after graduation were so willing to celebrate and her mother couldn't even sound happy? Now, her mother's 'I'm proud of you, Taylor' barely held meaning. To Taylor they were just words used to fill up conversation._

_Taylor took a deep breath before walking out of the bedroom, trying to push back the pain of knowing she'd never truly be good enough for her own mother. The more she pretended her mother was a good person, the less it hurt. _

_"She's not coming is she?" Taylor looked over to where Ryan was sitting on the couch._

_She shook her head, and sat down beside him. "No, but it's okay. I didn't really think she would. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. And anyway, all that matters is I've got you." Taylor grinned before pressing her lips softly against Ryan's. _

* * *

Ryan watched Taylor disappear out the sliding backdoors. "I don't know what to do Kirsten." He stated turning to look at his adoptive mother.

"We just need to give her time Ryan." Kirsten replied.

Ryan glanced back out the doors. "But how much time?" He asked quietly. "She's so..." He trailed off not knowing if there really was a word to describe Taylor's current state.

"Lost?" Kirsten attempted to fill the blank.

"I guess." Ryan sighed. Though, the word 'lost' didn't seem to explain Taylor's current state well enough. She was more than lost right now.

He felt Kirsten's hand on his shoulder. "She'll be fine in time Ryan." She told him softly, and he wanted so bad to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. "Taylor lost her mother. No matter how cruel Veronica Townsend could be, she was still Taylor's mother. Taylor lost the connection to her childhood that she'd been holding onto and trying to improve. You know as well as I do Ryan that she'd been trying to gain her mother's approval, and now she thinks she lost that chance."

Ryan knew that what Kirsten was saying was true. Just like he knew that it wasn't only approval Taylor had been struggling to get, but love as well. It seemed a lot of the things Taylor did sometimes was an attempt to make her mother proud and gain her attention.

"And this is Taylor we're talking about." Ryan looked up to see his brother standing there. "I mean, the girl always bounces back. Take for instance the whole Henri debacle. Or when you gave her a dictionary for her birthday and took back your 'I love you'. She'll be the old, annoying Taylor Townsend in no time."

"Cohen!" Summer exclaimed hitting Seth on the arm.

"What?" Seth questioned as he rubbed the spot Summer's hand had made impact. "You know it's true."

"I don't know Seth." Ryan spoke up. "Taylor just doesn't seem like she's going to 'bounce back' anytime soon."

"It's weird," Summer added. "I've never seen Taylor like this. She's always been easy to figure out, but right now she's so closed off."_

* * *

"I love it Ryan. It's perfect." Taylor clapped her hands excitedly before throwing her arms around him. This is one of the things he loved- seeing her at her happiest. Of course, it was never hard to make her happy. She'd told him once it was because as a child she'd never really gotten to experience true happiness. It wasn't until she wormed her way into his life and heart that she'd felt it._

_Two years ago they'd gotten back together at Julie's almost-wedding and then later decided to see where life would take them before going their separate ways again- him to Berkeley and her to Paris. She ended up deciding, after a few months, that Paris really wasn't for her and he ended up deciding he couldn't function without her. Well, really he realized he couldn't live without her, but she'd told him that that thought was a little too drastic, and she was 'sure he'd be able to live without her, functioning properly would be difficult but living would be fine'. This was what led them here today. House hunting, well it was more like apartment hunting. As relayed to him by Seth who'd been eavesdropping on Taylor and Summer's phone call, 'it wasn't marriage but it was a step in the right direction'. _

_"So this is 'the one'?" Ryan questioned, looking at her warily as she pulled away. They'd been at this all afternoon, since he'd finished class, and she'd said the same thing about five other places._

_"Yes, this is 'the one'." Taylor replied. "I can picture it all now. You off at class, while I sit beside that window working on my next book and reading blogs trying to find people's opinions on my first one, __whenever it get published." Taylor, always the optimist. She had a pile of rejection letters about her first book of poetry, yet it didn't stop her from hoping it would work out for her in the end."And then, when it's nearing time for you to come back from school, I'll get to work on a wonderful dinner." _

_"Taylor." Ryan interjected before she could go on._

_"I'm rambling aren't I?" She questioned, her nose wrinkling slightly. No matter how many times she did it, her ranting and wrinkling of the nose would be cute to him. Yes, Ryan Atwood thought something was 'cute'. "Sorry."_

_Ryan leaned down and kissed her. "Don't be sorry."_

_"You just find it cute. Everyone else finds it annoying." Taylor replied. "It'd be great if my mouth had its own little automatic off switch that made it shut the moment I'm about to say too much."_

_"But then you wouldn't be the Taylor Townsend I know and love." Ryan smiled at her._

_Taylor's chance of reply was cut off by another voice. "Do we have a decision?"_

_Ryan glanced at Taylor to see if she'd really made up her mind this time. She smiled at him and nodded. He looked over at the real-estate agent and said, "We'll take it."_

* * *

Julie had caught sight of Taylor sneaking out the backdoors, and decided to follow her. "Taylor." She started, but Taylor cut her off.

"Don't Julie. Please." Taylor replied, her eyes were on the still pool. Julie sat down in the empty chair beside her. The girl before her had become part of her family. Taylor had helped Julie with a lot, even though she had yet to admit it. "I know what you're going to say." Taylor said after a moment. "You're going to say 'I'm sorry for your loss Taylor', followed by 'It's going to be okay' and 'I'm here if you need me'. But you know what Julie? It's not going to be okay."

"Taylor." Julie interrupted only to find Taylor interrupting her in return.

"No." Taylor shook her head; eyes still transfixed on the pool. "It's not going be okay. You want to know why?" Julie was about to answer, but Taylor continued on not waiting. "Because I'm not sorry. Everyone here is sorry for my loss and I'm not. It hurts to know my mom's gone, but I'm not sorry." Taylor turned to her, and Julie could see tears in the girl's eyes. "How can everything be okay when I feel like this Julie? How can things be okay when part of me is happy she's gone?"_

* * *

"Veronica." It had taken Julie a full day to find this woman and it didn't make her happy._

_Veronica looked up at her from where she sat at a table in the restaurant. "What Julie? Taylor fall off of another roof?"_

_"If she had would you go to her bedside, without putting up a fight?" Julie questioned._

_"Considering the outcome of the last time, only if the doctor felt it was serious." Veronica replied. "Now, if you don't mind Julie, I'm kind of busy."_

_Julie glanced at the young man sitting with Veronica. He had to be about Taylor's age. Did he know how old Veronica was? Was Veronica trying to live in the past? Trying to pretend she was twenty-one again?_

_"Your little dinner date can wait. I want to know why you aren't going to your daughter's congratulations party."_

_"Did Taylor send you here to try to convince me to go?" Veronica questioned._

_"No." Julie replied honestly. She'd been told by Kaitlin that Veronica wasn't going, and felt she should convince her. This was a big accomplishment for Taylor, and Veronica should be part of the celebration. She knew if it had been one of her children, she'd want to be there. "I personally think you should be there. It would mean a lot to Taylor."_

_"She knows why I'm not going to be attending, so let's leave it at that." was Veronica's simple reply. God, this woman infuriated Julie so much._

_"Fine." Julie snapped. "But you'll regret not going Veronica."_

_"I'll be the judge of that." Veronica replied. "Goodbye Julie."_

* * *

Summer threw out the last paper plate. Everyone had pretty much left, and Kirsten had started getting everyone left to clean up the mess. Summer had taken garbage duty with Seth, while Kirsten and Sandy took dishes, and Ryan re-organized the living room. He was attempting to move everything back to where it had been before. Kaitlin had disappeared with Sophie, Noah, Frank, and Bullit somewhere, and Julie was still sitting outside with Taylor. The two had been talking for a bit, but now it looked like they were just sitting there to Summer.

"I think that's the last of it." Summer looked up to see Seth making his way towards her with a garbage bag of his own in hand.

Summer nodded, glancing back out the window to look at Taylor and Julie. "She's going to be fine, Summer." Seth's voice forced her to look away from her broken friend.

"I know." She replied, looking at him. "I just wish I knew what was going on in her head right now." This was Taylor they were talking about; she had a habit of over sharing. It was because of this over sharing that Summer usually knew what her friend was thinking or feeling._

* * *

The shrill ringing of the phone pulled Summer's attention away from the textbook open in front of her. "Seth! Can you get that?!" There was no reply from Seth, and the phone kept ringing. With a sigh, Summer pushed herself up from the chair she was sitting in and picked up the phone. "Hello?"_

_"Summer!" Taylor's cheerful voice floated through the receiver. _

_"Sorry. Wrong number." Summer said with a smile._

_Taylor laughed. "Funny, Summer. You are not going to believe what just happened."_

_"You got a call from a publisher and they're going to publish your book." It was worth a shot. Especially considering this book of Taylor's seemed to be her pride and joy right now. Getting it published would definitely make Taylor as happy as she sounded right now._

_"Unfortunately, no." Taylor sighed. "But, it is something even better. Ryan asked me to move in with him! Now, I know it's not marriage, but it is a step in the right direction. Can you believe it? We're going to be living together! I guess it's not like we haven't been already. I mean, we're practically over at each other's apartments all the time anyway. And after the earthquake back in '07 we were under the same roof for a little while."_

_"Taylor." Summer tried to cut off her friend's rant._

_"It's just, him asking me, makes everything so much better." Taylor went on. "We're going apartment hunting sometime in the next two weeks, because both of our apartments are a little cramped."_

_"Taylor." Summer tried a little louder this time. How did Ryan always manage to make Taylor stop by just saying her name? It never worked for Summer, at least not all the time._

_"And of course that makes the apartment seem more like 'ours'. Because, let's face it, if we moved into his apartment it would still be _his_ apartment and if we moved into mine it would still be _my_ apartment. This is so exciting and it just further cements our relationship."_

_"Taylor!" Summer exclaimed this time._

_"What?"_

_"You were rambling." Summer stated._

_"Oh, sorry. I'm just so happy right now I can't help it."_

_"I'm happy for you guys." Summer smiled, she glanced towards the kitchen to see Seth with the other phone pressed to his ear. Of course he'd be eavesdropping. "Well, when the two of you find a place we'll have to have a housewarming party."_

_"I love that idea Summer." Summer could almost picture the grin plastered on Taylor's face."I should go though, Ryan's on his way back to the table. I'll talk to you later. Bye Summer."_

_"Bye Taylor." Summer hung up and looked at Seth. "What exactly do you think you're doing Cohen?"_

_"I was going to make a phone call." Seth smiled at her. Summer rolled her eyes knowing that wasn't what Seth had been thinking of doing. What was she going to do with him?_

_"Yeah, right, 'cause I'm going to believe that." Summer crossed her arms at her chest. _

_"Okay, so I was listening into your conversation. " Seth shrugged. "But I didn't mean to."_

_"Cohen, don't lie." _

_Seth sighed. "Fine. I listened in to your conversation with Taylor. I was just curious."_

_Summer shook her head. Seth was lucky she loved him, otherwise she may have just beat him over the head with one of her textbooks._

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed. Next chapter will be up, hopefully in the next couple of weeks, when finals are over and done with.


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